Friday, April 1, 2011

ALIEN LIFE FOUND!

Everything about life as we know it has been turned on its head! It turns out there has been a group of aliens living among us throughout the entirety of human civilization. They have lived hidden and infiltrated almost every level of society. Secretly gathering information for their alien masters. Who are these alien creatures?

CATS!!!


After the genetic code for cats was completely mapped, scientists began to notice huge anomalies. This genetic code has some fundamental differences from normal Earth DNA. DNA is thought to be made up of only four base pairs, cytosine, adenine, thymine, and guanine. Cats have a fifth base pair, dubbed nomonine, thought to influence cat behavior, it replaces guanine in the feline genetic structure, dubbed C.A.T.NOM.

Some scientists have long suspected cats as being alien life forms, as their behavior is strange for most mammal species here on Earth. Some of the behaviors scientists point to are:

-Climbing trees: It is believed that the alien home planet is very forested and the trees help relieve the alien cats of their homesickness.

-Tempers and mood changes: The despicable aliens are prone to raging tempers and mood changes, unlike humans. One minute they are sleeping in your lap, the next they are hissing at you. This may be caused by unnoticeable changes in atmosphere, or commands from their home base.

-Authority: The aliens may believe they are in jeopardy when confronting figures of authority. This also goes back to the temper issue. But more often, their best course of action is to completely ignore the authority figure.

-Litter box: Aliens refuse to embarrass themselves with human toilets and use primitive methods such as the traditional litter box. Privacy is also a concern, so they won't just go anywhere.

-Sleeping in odd places: The kitchen sink and other hard, cold surfaces remind the aliens of their sleeping quarters aboard the mother ship. Sleeping on people is also a sign of superiority and conquest.

-Leaving 'presents': Often a human will mistake an alien's intention when it leaves the remains of its hunt on the human's doorstep. This should serve as a warning, it is not a 'present,' these aliens can be homicidal if provoked. Your best course of action is to give the alien some form of treat.

Please treat these alien invaders as you always have, we do not want them to be alarmed. There is no indication that they have a full grasp of our language yet. Interceptions of alien messages have shown to be full of poor spelling and grammar in regards to Earth languages. Astrobiologist will take this time to continue to study the alien species without provocation.

The worse case scenario if the cats become alerted is that tigers will go on a murderous rampage. At this current time, there is no known way to prevent a tiger assault. A tiger is capable of killing 12 out of 10 people and results in 30 million deaths world-wide every year.
P.S. April Fools!


32 comments:

Electric Addict said...

lol entertaining post

Jay.CA said...

i for one welcome our new feline overlords.

1HipHopBlog said...

Cats are awesome!

Andre said...

I want it as my pet
How to Hack Life.

Tasos said...

hahaha awesome post! there is a similar one http://www.catswhothrowupgrass.com/kill.php really funny!

Kim Anders said...

haha funny :p

honkhonkpt said...

Hahaha nice post man. I love cats :D

The Game Store Guy said...

Oh wow. That was amazing. Thank you. I really could not stop laughing.


While petting my cat. OH HO!

The Emancipator said...

lol I honestly thought of this for a while. cats are here for some special reason.

BrAd? said...

Business is booming for catnip dealers.

doomsday said...

The last pic is really amazing... saved :P

mac-and-me said...

:3

kgp318 said...

"Sleeping on people is also a sign of superiority and conquest"...If this is true...I think I'm in trouble!

I always thought that my cats were secretly evil...these findings support my hypothesis!

Mo said...

funny post.
+followed

incredible-mo.blogspot.com

ThingsIThinkAbout said...

Amphibious Attack Tigers are scary!

troy said...

i've been saying it for years...watch out for Fluffy; they're gonna rise up one day...The Pale Horseman...

Banacek said...

I knew it! Where is Alf? He will save us!

KUSHtunes said...

april foooools?

Megan Hansen said...

the beginning of a new era!

taio said...

interesant

Glovey said...

Another interesting read! Great blogger!

TheHarvester said...

awww man i knew it from the start!

ProbablyAnnoyed said...

HAHAHAHAHA. Reminds me a bit of the mice in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Biff Tanner said...

O no that's scary.

G said...

I always thought it was the mice who were our secret masters

Polybius said...

I think everyone knew that. Even Futurama has proven this theory.

Aaron M. Gipson said...

I for one, welcome our feline masters and embrace the fuzzy wuzzy dictatorship that is to come!

Necroticism said...

I f*** knew it and nobody believed in me!! gotta kill my parents now...

Moob said...

had me going

ggtbishop said...

I have been saying this for years, but nobody believed me

Nina said...

I KNEW IT.

HiFi said...

I missed this one. haha.

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